What Do You Want?

Why is it that just when you are making progress at picking up the pieces and moving on, the person who broke your heart in the first place comes crawling back? This such thing happened to me this past weekend and left me in what I like to call an emotional 'hot mess.'

I was doing just fine... I really was. Of course I still had moments where I remembered something and got a little sad, but I wasn't crying or calling my best friend upset all the time anymore. I was healing. It's a process, but I was making progress.

Then I get back from tanning and my morning run on Saturday to a text message and missed call from him. Really? If I had been smart, I would've just ignored it. But since I seem to be a glutton for punishment, I texted back and asked what he wanted. So he called back and we had a conversation, our first one in a few weeks. We hung up and texted for a majority of the day. He said several things that I had wanted to hear, including telling me that he has been feeling like maybe this breakup wasn't the best decision. I hate that the conversation was so easy and seemed so normal. And I really hate that it brought back all of these feelings I had been trying so hard to suppress.

We made plans to see one another the following day... and stupid me got excited. Not knowing what was going to happen, I allowed myself to believe this might actually be the beginning of us trying to put it all back together.

But when I unexpectedly ran into him later that night, I realized just what a fool I had been. He didn't even speak, which only led to me leaving in tears. I still don't know the point of his phone call or texts, because he obviously didn't mean the things he said or he wouldn't have treated me the way he did. So now I'm back to square one and hoping that I am much more successful at moving on this time around.



I love this song. And this video. Plus, right about now, it seems pretty perfect for my life.